Is My Co-Parent a Narcissist? Boundaries, Traps & How to Protect Your Kids

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your ex feeling drained, confused, or doubting your own memory of what just happened?

You’re not alone — and you might be co-parenting with a narcissist.

In this powerful episode of The Divorce Course Podcast, Laura and Lyn are joined by Mia from Grey Rock Consulting — a lawyer, negotiation coach, and Australia’s first certified Master High Conflict Coach trained by Rebecca Zung. Together, they unpack what it really means to co-parent with a narcissist — and how to protect your kids, your peace, and your sanity.

🚩 Recognising the Red Flags

Mia explains that narcissistic or high-conflict co-parents don’t come with warning labels — they’re often charming and cooperative at first, only revealing their manipulative traits once the relationship ends.

Some common warning signs include:

• Constant blame-shifting — everything that goes wrong is your fault.

• A lack of accountability or genuine apology.

• Entitlement and control, especially around parenting time, money, or image.

• Turning every small issue into a power struggle.

As Lyn puts it, you can’t show the court “the cake” — you have to show them the ingredients. Describe the behaviours, not the label.

🧒 When the Kids Are Caught in the Crossfire

One of the hardest realities is watching how narcissistic co-parents can use children as pawns.
They may refuse simple requests (“No, they can’t go to Grandma’s birthday”) or feed the kids half-truths to turn them against you.

Mia calls this behaviour “image protection” — the narcissist’s obsession with maintaining control and being seen as the perfect parent, even if it means harming the child’s emotional wellbeing.

If you notice your ex consistently making decisions that don’t put your kids first, that’s a huge red flag.

🧱 Setting Boundaries That Actually Work

Hope can be a dangerous thing in narcissistic co-parenting.
Hoping they’ll “do the right thing this time” often leads to disappointment.

Mia’s advice? Accept who you’re dealing with.
Once you stop expecting empathy or fairness, you can make calm, strategic decisions.

💬 “The more work you do on yourself, the fewer buttons they have to push — because they installed those buttons.”

That means taking the emotional heat out of every exchange, documenting everything, and sticking strictly to agreed communication channels and parenting plans.

⚖️ Legal Wisdom from Lyn

Lyn reminds listeners that when it comes to court orders, you can’t draft for every possible scenario — and overcomplicating things can backfire.

But if you’re still negotiating your orders, take the time to plan ahead and close loopholes wherever possible.
Think about school holidays, travel, special events, and communication boundaries — so you don’t leave space for manipulation later.

👩‍👧 Parenting Teenagers of Narcissistic Exes

For parents of older kids, co-parenting gets even trickier.
Teenagers might start to mirror the narcissistic parent’s behaviour — sarcasm, entitlement, or manipulation — without realising it.

Mia and Lyn both urge you to stay calm and role model respect and consistency, even when your teen tests every boundary you’ve set.
You can’t control the other household, but you can create a stable, emotionally safe one in your home.

💪 The Power of Self-Work

Ultimately, the key to surviving a narcissistic co-parent isn’t changing them — it’s reclaiming yourself.

The more you heal, the less control they have over you.
When you stop reacting to their chaos, they often lose interest in the game altogether.

As Mia says:

“You can’t move forward if your focus is still on them. The irony is, when you take your focus off them, everything else starts to get better.”

🔗 Resources Mentioned

• Grey Rock Consulting – Learn more about Mia’s work and her “email support” coaching for people dealing with high-conflict exes. https://www.greyrockconsulting.com.au/

• The Divorce Course Podcast Episodes:

  • Mediation and Manipulation 

  • The Post-Divorce Glow-Up: Steps to Emotional Recovery 

• Support Services:

  • 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support Line

  • Lifeline: 13 11 14

  • Police or local emergency services if you’re in danger

💬 Final Thoughts

Co-parenting with a narcissist is exhausting — but you’re not powerless.
With the right mindset, clear boundaries, and emotional support, you can protect your kids and build a peaceful future, one step at a time.

🎧 Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts