Coercive Control in Family Court: Should You Raise It or Stay Silent?

If you've been controlled, manipulated or abused in your relationship, the question of whether to raise it during your separation can feel impossible.

You've probably heard wildly different opinions. Some people online insist the family courts in Australia don't take coercive control seriously. Others say the system is finally listening. And then there are the lawyers who quietly tell their clients to "just leave it out so we can settle."

It's confusing. It's exhausting. And it's the exact reason Mum and I sat down to record this week's episode of The Divorce Course Podcast.

In this episode, we explore how coercive control and domestic violence are actually being treated in Australian family law right now, what the most recent appeal cases are revealing, and why the conversation is shifting in ways most people haven't caught up with yet.

What We Cover in This Episode

We move through the legal definition of family violence, the recent court decisions changing how coercive control is being recognised in both parenting and property matters, the reasons some lawyers still advise clients to stay silent, and the broader question of why this all matters for women in particular. Here's a glimpse of what we explore.

What Counts as Family Violence Under Australian Law

A lot of women who have lived through coercive control downplay it. They tell themselves it doesn't really count because there was no physical violence, or because they "should have just left earlier."

In the episode, we walk through Section 4AB of the Family Law Act and what it actually says about family violence in Australia. The definition is much broader than most people realise, and it matters enormously for anyone heading into separation. Mum unpacks the categories the legislation specifically names, and we talk about why so many women don't recognise their own experience as family violence until someone names it for them.

If you've ever wondered whether what happened in your relationship "counts," this part of the episode might land hard. We talk you through it.

The Recent Court Cases That Are Changing the Conversation

In 2024, a senior Federal Circuit and Family Court judge gave a powerful address to the legal profession asking lawyers to "soften their gaze" when it comes to family violence. That speech reflects a broader shift, and the appeal courts are starting to follow.

In the episode, we discuss several recent cases including Lainhart & Elinson, Burnell & Rockford, Dejani & Dejani, Sad & Raymond, and the original Kennon decision. Each one tells a different story about how Australian family courts are starting to treat coercive control and family violence in 2024.

We don't go through every legal detail in this blog, that's what the episode is for. But we do talk about why these decisions matter, what they signal about the direction the courts are heading, and why most family law professionals haven't caught up with the implications yet.

Why Some Lawyers Still Say "Leave It Out"

This is one of the most frustrating conversations Mum and I have on the podcast.

Despite the law changing, many separating women are still being told by their own lawyers to leave family violence and coercive control out of the negotiation. Sometimes there's a strategic reason. Often there isn't.

In the episode, we explore the reasoning behind this advice, when it might actually be appropriate, and when it's costing women significantly in their settlements. Mum draws on more than 35 years as a family law accredited specialist to explain how she sees this play out, and what the alternative looks like.

This is general education only, not advice for your situation. But if you've been told to stay silent and something about it didn't sit right, this part of the episode is worth a listen.

What This Means for Property and Parenting

The episode also covers how coercive control and domestic violence intersect with two of the biggest decisions in any separation: how property is divided, and how parenting arrangements are made.

We talk about the difference between property cases and parenting cases when it comes to raising family violence, why the courts now treat them differently, and the very real tactic of false alienation claims being used against protective parents.

These are conversations that affect thousands of Australian women every year, and the cases coming through the courts in 2023 and 2024 are reshaping what's possible. Mum walks through her perspective in the full episode.

Why This Episode Matters

If you've ever felt silenced, dismissed, or like the legal system doesn't see what really happened in your relationship, you are not alone. The questions you're asking are the same ones thousands of women are asking right now, and the conversation is finally starting to shift.

This isn't about giving you a roadmap for your case. Every situation is different, and only a lawyer who knows the specifics can help with that. What we hope this episode does is give you context, language, and a sense that the ground is moving in a direction that takes coercive control seriously.

If any of this is hitting close to home, the full episode goes much deeper.

Listen to the Full Episode

In our podcast episode "Coercive Control in Family Court: Should You Raise It or Stay Silent?", Mum and I talk through Section 4AB of the Family Law Act, the recent appeal decisions reshaping the conversation, and why the way coercive control is being recognised in 2024 matters for anyone going through separation.

🎧 Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple Podcasts | Watch on YouTube

A Note on Legal Advice

This blog and our podcast are for general educational purposes only. Laura is not a lawyer. Mum (Lynette) is a family law accredited specialist with over 35 years of experience, but nothing we share on the podcast or in this blog is legal advice for your specific situation. Every case is different. Please speak to your own family lawyer for guidance tailored to you.

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