Is Your Ex Spying on You? Digital Safety After Separation

Have you ever felt like your ex somehow knows things they shouldn’t?

They mention places you’ve been.
They bring up conversations you never shared.
Or they show up somewhere you didn’t expect them to know about.

You might be asking yourself:

“Is my ex spying on me through my phone?”

Unfortunately, in many cases after separation, the answer can be yes.

⚠️ Family Violence Warning
This article discusses domestic and family violence, including coercive control and digital stalking. If this is distressing, support is available via 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). If you are in immediate danger, call 000.

What Is Tech Abuse in Relationships?

Tech abuse (technology-facilitated abuse) is when someone uses digital devices or online accounts to monitor, control, or track another person.

This can include:

• tracking your location through apps
• accessing your messages or emails
• monitoring your social media
• controlling your devices or accounts
• using spyware or hidden tracking tools

Tech abuse is now one of the fastest-growing forms of domestic violence, particularly after separation.

How Common Is Digital Abuse After Separation?

Many people assume this is rare — but it’s not.

Domestic violence services across Australia report that technology is involved in the majority of cases.

Why?

Because during relationships, it’s common to:

• share passwords
• share devices
• link accounts
• set up phones or apps together

After separation, that access doesn’t always disappear.

How Your Ex Might Be Tracking You

There are several common ways digital tracking happens:

1. Shared Accounts

If you shared:

• Apple ID
• Google accounts
• email accounts

Your data may still be syncing across devices.

2. Location Sharing

Apps like:

• Find My iPhone
• Google Location Sharing
• Snapchat maps

Can reveal your real-time location.

3. Spyware and Tracking Apps

Some people install apps that:

• track movements
• log messages
• monitor activity

These can be difficult to detect.

4. Access Through Devices

If your ex set up your phone, laptop, or tablet, they may still have access.

Warning Signs Your Ex Is Spying on You

You might notice:

• Your ex knows things you didn’t tell them
• They show up where you are unexpectedly
• Your phone battery drains unusually fast
• Strange apps or settings appear
• You receive unusual login alerts
• Financial or account activity you don’t recognise

Often, people describe it as:

“Something just feels off.”

That instinct is important.

What NOT to Do If You Suspect Tech Abuse

If you think you’re being monitored, avoid:

• throwing your phone away immediately
• deleting everything
• confronting your ex

Why?

Because:

• you may lose evidence
• it could escalate risk
• it may not fix the issue

Instead, focus on a safe and structured approach.

How to Protect Yourself From Digital Tracking

Here are safer steps you can take:

1. Get Support First

Speak with a:

• domestic violence service
• tech safety specialist
• legal professional if needed

2. Create a Safety Plan

Plan changes carefully rather than all at once.

3. Secure Your Accounts

• Change passwords (on a safe device)
• Enable two-factor authentication
• Review account access and linked devices

4. Check Devices Carefully

Avoid rushing this step — do it with guidance if possible.

5. Use a Tech Safety Checklist

Structured checklists help ensure nothing is missed.

It’s Not Just Your Phone

Many people are surprised to learn that tracking can happen through:

• smart home devices
• security cameras
• baby monitors
• smart TVs
• voice assistants
• cars with app connectivity

Technology is deeply integrated into daily life — which creates multiple access points.

Can Your Ex Track You Through Your Car?

Yes — in some cases.

Modern vehicles may:

• store location history
• sync with phones
• connect to apps
• track movements

If your ex previously had access, this may still be active.

How Children Can Be Involved in Tech Abuse

Children can unintentionally become part of the situation.

For example:

• using shared devices
• having location tracking enabled
• communicating through monitored apps

This means:

The child may not be the target — but becomes the pathway.

AI, Deepfakes and the Future of Digital Abuse

Technology is evolving rapidly.

Emerging risks include:

• AI-generated messages
• deepfake images or videos
• impersonation
• automated monitoring

While this can sound overwhelming, awareness is the first step in protection.

This Is Domestic Violence

It’s important to be clear:

Tech abuse is a form of domestic and family violence.

Even without physical harm, if behaviour is:

• controlling
• monitoring
• intimidating
• isolating

It is serious — and support is available.

Where to Get Help for Tech Abuse

If you’re concerned, support services can help you safely navigate this:

• 1800 RESPECT (Australia): 1800 737 732
• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• eSafety Commissioner (Australia)
• Safety Net Australia (WESNET)

🎧 Listen to the Full Episode

In this episode, we cover:

• how tech abuse actually happens
• real-life examples of digital stalking
• what to look for
• what to do (and what not to do)
• how to protect yourself and your children

🎧 Listen now to understand what’s happening and take the next step safely.

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This article provides general educational information only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional support tailored to your circumstances.