Going through Family Court is overwhelming enough.
Add in emotional stress, financial pressure, a high-conflict ex, or coercive control, and it can feel impossible to think clearly... let alone understand what the court expects from you.

Here’s what most people don’t realise until it's too late:

👉 Your behaviour before AND during your court matter creates a trail.
👉 Judges notice patterns long before anyone steps into the courtroom.
👉 Small mistakes often made in survival mode can quietly destroy your case.

In our latest episode of The Divorce Course Podcast, we break down the 10 things Family Court judges really dislike, why they matter, and how you can avoid unintentionally sabotaging your own parenting or property case.

Whether you’re currently in court, preparing for mediation, self-represented, or dealing with a high-conflict ex, this guide will help you stay calm, organised, and credible.

⭐ 1. Not Being Child-Focused

Family Court is not about who “deserves” what.
It’s about what’s best for your children.

If your communication, actions, or proposals seem focused on punishing your ex—or winning—judges will see it. Staying child-centred is one of the strongest ways to protect your case.

⭐ 2. Letting Emotions Drive Your Decisions

You’re human. You’ve been hurt.
But the court wants to see practical, stable, consistent behaviour, not emotional outbursts or reactive emails.

Regulated communication = stronger credibility.

⭐ 3. Calling Your Ex a Narcissist

Even if it’s true, judges dislike labels.
They prefer descriptions of behaviour, not diagnoses.

Use facts, patterns, and specific examples—not inflammatory language.

⭐ 4. Weak or Irrelevant Evidence

Screenshots and long text message exchanges can help, but only if they’re relevant, clear, and presented properly.

Many people lose cases because they rely on emotion instead of evidence.

⭐ 5. Lying or Exaggerating (Even Once)

One lie can unravel your entire case.
Judges value honesty—even when the truth is uncomfortable.

⭐ 6. Not Providing Full Disclosure

Property settlement requires transparency.
Failing to disclose bank accounts, debts, or assets can lead to:

• penalties

• costs orders

• your evidence being disbelieved

Even innocent mistakes can look suspicious.

⭐ 7. Missing Deadlines or Court Orders

Being late, disorganised, or unreliable suggests you may be the problem parent.

Consistency matters—especially when children are involved.

⭐ 8. Ignoring Practice Directions (The Court’s Rules)

The Central Practice Direction is the roadmap for how your case should run.
Ignoring it can cause delay, penalties, or a very frustrated judge.

⭐ 9. Behaviour That Looks Like Parental Alienation

Even if you believe your child is safer away from the other parent, blocking time, running commentary, bad-mouthing, or involving the children in adult issues can seriously harm your case.

There are safer, smarter ways to raise concerns.

⭐ 10. Being Unreasonable

Judges dislike:

• refusing to negotiate

• refusing to compromise

• refusing mediation

• demanding extreme outcomes

• letting conflict escalate unnecessarily

Being reasonable doesn’t mean giving in.

It means demonstrating that you are stable, child-focused, and solution-oriented.

💛 What This Means for You

You don’t need to be perfect.

You just need to:
✔ stay calm
✔ stay consistent
✔ stay child-focused
✔ follow the rules
✔ present real evidence
✔ communicate respectfully
✔ show the court you’re trying to solve problems, not create them

and get legal advice. 

These small shifts can completely transform how your case is seen.

🔗 Need more support?

Download our Free Disclosure Checklist
👉 Helps you avoid the biggest property settlement mistakes

Listen to the full episode for deeper insight and examples.

If you’re struggling with DV, coercive control, or a high-conflict separation, you are not alone. There is help.

1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
Lifeline – 13 11 14

🌸 Final Thought

Many people unknowingly sabotage their own cases because they’re operating in survival mode.
If that’s you, please be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can in an impossible situation.

This blog and our podcast exists to help you feel informed, supported, and in control again but it is not legal advice always go see a lawyer about your particular situation. 

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SHOW NOTES 

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You’re worried your custody or property case might end up eventually in court. 
• You are preparing for Family Court or worried your case might escalate
• You want to avoid mistakes that judges hate seeing in parenting or property matters
• You’re dealing with a high-conflict ex or coercive control
• You’re self-represented and want to understand what the court looks for
• You want to protect your credibility and stay child-focused
• You feel overwhelmed and want to understand how to present better in court
• You want to understand how Family Court judges make decisions

If you're going through separation, divorce, or a parenting dispute in Australia, this episode will help you avoid the most common mistakes people make in the Family Court. These insights can make or break your credibility, influence parenting outcomes, and help you stay calm and strategic throughout the legal process.

In this episode, we unpack 10 behaviours that can ruin your case — the things that damage cases, frustrate judges, increase legal costs, and affect how your evidence is viewed. Whether you’re self-represented, considering mediation, managing a high-conflict ex, or worried about how your actions may be interpreted, this conversation will give you clarity on what the court expects from parents.

Learn how to stay child-focused, how to avoid actions that look like parental alienation, how to communicate effectively, how to avoid sabotaging your own case, and why honesty, disclosure, and consistency matter so much. If you're feeling overwhelmed, emotional, or stuck in conflict, this episode offers guidance to help you stay grounded and organised.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This episode contains general discussion only this is  not legal advice please always get independent legal advice as each situation is different. 

Trigger Warning: This episode has some discussions of family violence.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Introduction: How to Avoid Mistakes That Hurt Your Family Court Case
Overview of the most common behaviours that weaken parenting and property cases.

02:07 – Why Judges Prioritise Child-Focused Parenting in Family Court
Understanding how child welfare drives decisions and how to demonstrate it clearly.

06:36 – Keeping Emotions Out of Family Court: What Judges Look For
Why emotional reactions, venting and accusations can damage your credibility.

13:26 – Presenting Evidence Properly: What Counts in Family Court
How to gather, organise and present evidence that the court will actually rely on.

16:59 – The Serious Consequences of Lying or Exaggerating in Court
How dishonesty can destroy your case and impact parenting or property outcomes.

21:27 – Disclosure Rules in Property Settlement: What You MUST Provide
Explaining financial disclosure obligations and what happens if you don’t comply.

25:26 – Following Court Orders and Deadlines: Why Timing Matters
How delays, missed tasks or ignoring directions reflect poorly on your case.

25:58 – Understanding Family Court Practice Directions (CPD Requirements)
What the Central Practice Direction means for your behaviour and preparation.

28:40 – Narrowing the Issues Before Court: What Judges Expect You to Do
Why bringing every problem to court backfires and how to refine your case.

33:19 – Avoiding Behaviour That Looks Like Parental Alienation
How to protect your children and yourself without appearing to obstruct the other parent.

39:43 – Acting Reasonably in Family Court: How It Influences Outcomes
Examples of unreasonable behaviour and why judges pay close attention to it.

42:03 – Courtroom Etiquette, Presentation and Final Takeaways
How to conduct yourself, communicate effectively, and stay credible throughout your case.

🔗 Links & Resources

• Free Webinar https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/divorcewebinarregistration
  
  
• The Divorce Course Website – Courses & Support www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
• Lifeline – 13 11 14

Dealing with Narc Lies in court

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5SdkXhj3vC2tfO3gDdkM6y?si=P-fwZYVSQxO7JnVs5yYJdw

When your ex lies in court https://open.spotify.com/episode/2OpAGxXfx78iAO81TMPPxJ?si=wcN-tRFdSaSjGLU51fmV7w

Overcoming disclosure delays 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0uOO8dKYV4NWlCfyu8FZEh?si=PI-J7YtGTb6pFRKGa7KjdA

Disclosure Deadlocks

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2yrShRhq4jcGVuVDN6Jq6C?si=ZFmAHXmAT1-JS0neHjsDHQ

Is your ex hiding assets 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4KbgLRFXB9r2rCz3vycZ98?si=nKf11LeYS_66Uzn003Ydug

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

False Accusations of Parental Alienation

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0l9L5SDovV515EU4H5gpIf?si=jNYKY5cBTCatIXZpEHXisQ

Handover Hell

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=UrHDcaRBTwuKpnVmWty-qA

Family Reports

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4k2Z4glD8WpY4dsqz6vn5Y?si=MMj_I2N5RlaT_5flBfZjMQ

Court Etiquette 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JOwxZOGxT182UOp8iqd8z?si=8ib6y9qLRvuD5n8AO4y46w

💛 Closing Reminder

If this episode helped you feel more prepared or confident, please follow, rate, and review the podcast. Your support helps more women find clear, supportive information during their divorce or separation.