Divorcing and Abuser: Coping with Post Separation Abuse

 🎧 Listen to This Episode If You…
😢 Feel like your ex is still trying to control you, even after the breakup
🧠 Want to understand how emotional abuse can continue post-separation
🛡️ Need strategies to protect your mental health during negotiations
⚖️ Are co-parenting with someone who is manipulative or abusive
👂 Want to learn what psychologists say about responding calmly and firmly
💔 Are feeling exhausted, anxious, or stuck in the dynamic even though it’s over
📚 Need real guidance from someone who understands trauma and divorce

Divorce should bring closure, but for many, the abuse doesn’t end when the relationship does. In this powerful episode, I’m joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova, who specialises in complex trauma, emotional and psychological abuse, and family violence.

Together, we unpack post-separation abuse—what it looks like, why it’s so common, and how to recognize the subtle and not-so-subtle ways a controlling ex might continue to manipulate and harass you during legal negotiations and co-parenting.

Krasi shares practical tools for setting boundaries, managing emotional triggers, and protecting yourself mentally and emotionally as you navigate separation and the legal  divorce process. If you're in the thick of divorce with an abusive or high-conflict ex, this episode is your lifeline.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions about  abuse.
📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Always speak to your own psychologist or lawyer about your specific situation.

🔑 Key Topics Discussed in This Episode:

00:00 – What is emotional abuse in the context of divorce?

00:15 – Who is Krasi Kirova and why is she an expert in emotional and psychological abuse?

00:54 – How can you set boundaries and protect your emotional health during and after divorce?

01:08 – What legal and psychological disclaimers should listeners be aware of?

01:42 – What did listeners say about our previous episode on emotional abuse?

03:13 – What challenges do survivors face after leaving an abusive relationship?

07:34 – How do you co-parent with an abusive ex-partner?

10:41 – How can you manage anxiety when dealing with legal communications from your ex?

12:34 – Why are support systems and legal preparation so important in these cases?

18:21 – How can you manage trauma and stress in family law settings?

21:01 – What should you understand about trauma reactions during supervised visits?

22:16 – What regulations and training exist for contact centers?

22:34 – Why are victims sometimes misidentified as perpetrators in court?

23:27 – What strategies do abusers use to sabotage mothers post-separation?

24:21 – What is the DIY Divorce Blueprint and how can it help you?

25:04 – How can you handle manipulative communication from your ex?

29:04 – How do you rebuild confidence after surviving coercive control?

31:45 – What are the common self-gaslighting patterns in legal processes?

37:00 – How do you create a supportive community during and after separation?

40:14 – What are the key takeaways and resources shared in this episode?

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned:
🔗 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service
🔗 Lifeline – 13 11 14 – 24/7 Crisis Support
🔗 Legal Aid – Access to legal help for those in need
🔗 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800 – Support for young people

Dr Emma Katz - https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/how-domestically-abusive-men-continue

 🔗 [Krasi Kirova's workshop – Understanding Emotional Abuse in Relationships] https://kirovapsychology.com.au/workshop/

🎙️ Related Episodes:

• Do I really need to respond to that? https://open.spotify.com/episode/30yut1I0YFLaAAMSKsRoxe?si=WdkeKNSyTuaFVmoxDM3wUA

• Is that Emotional Abuse? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=1ryvYQmYTOm56lzuYCHiUQ

🧠 Let’s keep the conversation going
If this episode resonated, please share it with a friend or leave us a review. Your support helps more people find the show and feel empowered in their own journey.

ENROL NOW www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🆘 Support Services:

💜 Women’s Shelter Service: 1800 811 811
⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state’s Legal Aid website
📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): 13 11 14
👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978
👧 Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800
🚨 National DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)
🖤 Aboriginal Family DV Hotline: 1800 019 123